Friday, January 28, 2011

Why did I ever stop posting on here?!?

Ok, I guess I stopped because I was always complaining about girls at Saint Mary's, and then my friends would read it through facebook, so I was worried it might come back around to the people I was judging and feelings might get hurt, etc. But now that I'm in NYC, it should be way easier to keep things anonymous. So... here's an anecdote I overheard on the NYU campus earlier this week...

"And then she was all like 'we can't drill in Alaska cause it'll destroy the penguins' habitat.' I mean, seriously, what kind of idiot thinks penguins live in Alaska?! Everyone knows they live at the north pole. So I told her that and she got all upset and kept insisting that we still shouldn't drill there. I mean if there's this whole state full of oil, why should we have to pay so much for gas?"

Ok, I don't even know where to start with this one. First of all, penguins live exclusively in the southern hemisphere, there are ZERO penguins at the north pole. I don't understand how this girl went through 12 years of schooling and got into college without ever learning this well-known fact. And I might as well judge the girl she was talking to as well, not only for thinking that penguins lived in Alaska, but for also believing this idiot when she "corrected" her. Furthermore, there is plenty of oil drilling currently going on in and around the state of Alaska. There's just one reserve that's causing controversy. And trust me, drilling in one reserve will NOT affect gas prices in the slightest. I literally started laughing on the sidewalk behind her. I considered informing her of these enormous inaccuracies, but I gathered she wasn't really the type of person who cared about getting her facts straight. And also I was hoping to overhear some more... ;)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Germ Grievance

date:January 19th 2010

To the girl in the third floor hallway of Spes Unica:

Thanks a lot for coughing all over me as you passed. I tried to give you a dirty look but you wouldn't meet my angry gaze.

Just so you know, I know what you look like and will be searching for you and your trendy pink polka-dot backpack if I end up getting sick.

Next time, cough into your hand or into your sleeve, not into someone's face. At least turn your head.

You're disgusting,
<3 Mary

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Nominations for the Worst Movies of 2009

It's awards season, which means it's time to judge the worst movies of the year! Vote on a winner for each category!

Worst Movie of 2009:
Jennifer's Body - High school cannibalism!
Knowing - It's basically National Treasure 3!
Twilight 2: New Moon - High school is full of such tough choices... such as Werewolves or Vampires?! omg!
I Love You Beth Cooper - Gag.
Old Dogs - Just give up already.

Worst Actor of 2009:
Micheal Cera in Year One - can you play anything other than an awkward weirdo indie virgin?
Micheal Cera in Paper Heart - Same question.
Taylor Lautner in Twilight 2: New Moon - Ok, this scene you're going to be shirtless and overly aggressive. Ok, now this scene can you try to be a little more overly aggressive? Why are you still wearing a shirt?
Robin Williams in Old Dogs - remember when you used to make good movies?

Worst Actress of 2009:
Megan Fox in Jennifer's Body - Yuck.
Megan Fox in Transformers 2 - Yawn.
Kristen Stewart in Twilight 2: New Moon - No surprise, of course.
Kristen Stewart in Adventureland - Can you play anything other than overly angsty alternative teen?
Amanda Seyfried in Jennifer's Body - I just expected more from you.

Most Disappointing Movie of 2009:
Couples Retreat- Vince Vaughn, Jason Bateman, Kristen Bell and Jon Favreau all on an island trying to work out their marriage problems? It's like the perfect recipe for humor, yet it failed so miserably.
Love Happens- Ok, so we expect a boring performance from Jennifer Anderson, but come on Aaron Ekhart! You can do way better than this!
Transformers 2- This movie was such a let-down! The storyline was a complete failure and the acting was pathetic. The only redeeming quality was the special effects, but even that can get boring after 3 hours.
All About Steve- How can Sandra Bullock do something as moving as Blindside and something as hilarious as The Proposal in the same year she does something as shitty as All About Steve? And Bradley Cooper? You were so funny in The Hangover! What happened here??
X-Men Origins: Wolverine- Hugh Jackman isn't just the victim of an elaborate plot to create the ultimate weapon, but he's also a victim of horrendous storytelling.

Worst Adapted Screenplay of 2009:
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince- I was really enjoying it up until the ending. How can you totally cut out an action-packed fight scene at the climax of the story? Fantastic source material laid to waste so they could have more time for angsty-flirty scenes. Lame.
Twilight 2: New Moon- Though to be fair, how can we expect a good screenplay from a bad book?
Angels and Demons - it's just so boring.

Vote for the worst of each category! And feel free to add your own nominations or defend your favorite werewolf...

Saturday, November 28, 2009

driving home for the holidays?

Do you know how to drive? Do you know how to drive on a highway? Many drivers don't seem to understand that driving on a highway is different from driving city streets, so let me explain the concept of fast lanes and slow lanes. The right lane is the slow lane, the left lane is the fast lane. You probably know that already, right? So you are driving fast in the fast lane, and someone behind you is driving faster. What do you do? You are already driving fast so you just keep your speed and don't do anything, right? WRONG! So wrong. Cause then the driver behind you has to break and turn off cruise control and then pass you on the right (which is wicked dangerous), and then speed up and set the cruise control again. Ever think of how annoying that is for the driver behind you? Probably not. So how do you avoid being such a lazy, asshole driver? It's quite simple. When you see a faster car coming up behind you, just move into the slow lane for a moment to let the faster car pass you safely and then move back to the fast lane and continue your own speed. It's polite, it's safe, and it's easy.

And while we're on the subject of highway driving-- never ever hang out in another driver's blindspot. It's stupid and dangerous, not to mention unbearably annoying.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Where are the stairs?

I made this handy little map of Holy Cross Hall since people don't seem to know where the stairs are. See those blue arrows? That's where the stairs are! Ok so, now that you know where the stairs are, you don't have to take the elevator up only one floor anymore! I know no one's actually so lazy that they can't make it up one flight of stairs. So obviously, the only reason we see people taking the elevator from 1st floor to 2nd floor is because they don't know where the stairs in this building are located. So now that I've created this helpful map, there's no reason to waste everyone's time taking the elevator!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

judgment loves judgment

So why not judge the weather?

That's rational...right?

The Fucking Weather

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

This Guy-->

How to become a more desirable woman.

I've got a couple of pointers for him in response to this ridiculous v-blog.